i am rhonel

This blog shares my sacred journey through tragedy.  I was called for audacious hope whilst grieving a living loss.  And I had to choose – will I be better or bitter? 

I sit next to him on the couch, this man I am blessed to call my husband.  Tears are running down my cheeks, my hair is oily, I am dressed in my oldest rags and have no make-up to hide behind.  I am completely, desperately shattered.

“I simply love life too much to be this unhappy” I exclaim.  “I cannot accept that this is now our life” I cry.  And in that moment, I hear myself.  And it dawned on me that I needed to make a choice.  I needed to choose happiness…

That was November 2014, at my weakest and at my lowest.  I started on the superficial level, practicing self care.  Spending more time on my appearance.  And every time I looked in the mirror I told myself: “You deserve to be happy.”

Slowly but surely I started to believe this.  I realized that even though we have lost so much, I can choose how much more we are going to loose going forward.  And I boldly refused to give up happiness.  My daughter deserved a happy mommy, she deserved a happy home.

One of the hardest realities in life is that we are responsible for our own happiness.  We would like to blame our circumstances, the traumas and the tough times for being unhappy.  And sometimes those around us can even understand our depression and exhaustion.  But what if  circumstances remain unchanging?

On that day, on that couch, I chose happiness.  And it put in motion a series of positive changes in my life.  Nothing in the apparent circumstances around me was different, but I was different.  It was an inner contentment, a deeper connection to my maker and His love for me.

As I said, one of the hardest realities in life is that we are responsible for our own happiness.  But in actuality this is one of the best realities in life.  Imagine we had no control over our own happiness.  How desperately unfair and sad that will be.  But in truth the choice is ours, the control in our own minds, hearts and hands.  It starts with you…Choose your happiness today.

Choose happiness








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