i am rhonel

This blog shares my sacred journey through tragedy.  I was called for audacious hope whilst grieving a living loss.  And I had to choose – will I be better or bitter? 

She is standing in front of our flower garden, determined to have our unwilling pet a part of the picture.  I stand behind the camera, instructing her to pose and smile.  And her daddy is behind the lens, making sure that these photos become the treasured memories we want them to be.  It is a moment in time, a snapshot in my mind, a beautiful memory.

That day was full of seemingly ordinary moments and emotions.  Only in hindsight can I appreciate the true gift it was.  A day where I dressed up my beautiful girl, where we captured her in photos forever, where she had fun with her dad at the carwash and ate ice-cream.  We swam in the late summer afternoon, enjoying the last sunlight of the day.  We didn’t know that the clock was ticking, slowly moving us towards a life altering tragedy.  It was our last day of ignorant innocence.

We ate dinner, content with each other’s company.  She refused to eat the food I made, sharing giggles with her dad at my attempt.  I am admittedly sometimes too adventurous a cook.  I put her to bed, sighing at the prospect of some me-time.

The day was filled with all the usual joys, frustrations and emotions of motherhood.  I got angry with her, I struggled with my own feelings of depression, I was tired, I was happy, I was laughing and I went to bed.  Blink…It was an extraordinary ordinary day.

What would I have done differently have I known that this day was our last day of our life as Before?  Nothing.  I wouldn’t change a thing in the circumstances, the emotions and the normalcy of it.

I would however have liked to live more in the real moments of that day.  To be presently aware.  To stop planning for tomorrow and the year ahead and just embrace the fragility of that day.

This is the lesson I take with me.  Tomorrow holds no guarantees. Ordinary days are extraordinary gifts. Our yesterdays are gone.  What you have now, at this moment, can change in an instant.  Life is fragile, love is eternal, and only the present is real.

Extraordinary ordinary

8 thoughts on “An extraordinary ordinary day

  1. Ansa Liebenberg says:

    Rhonel, I’m totally drawn into your words and reflections. Keep on writing!

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    1. Thanks for reading and your positive words!

      Like

  2. Ilse says:

    Sulke spesiale fotos!

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    1. Daardie dag se fotos sal altyd vir my ekstra spesiaal bly…Ek is so dankbaar ons het hulle.

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  3. Lenie Lubbe says:

    Ongelooflik inspirerend!!!

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  4. Jeanne-Mari says:

    Vriendin jy met jou mooi lewendige ronde blou oë… Jy laat my dink… Min mense laat my dink, want mens leef mos maar in ‘n gejaagde lewe, vol moed hou, uit hou, aan hou en dan lees ek jou woorde en sien jou oë, dan besef ek net weereens… Jeanne-Mari, tot nou… Elke dag probeer ek van vooraf om al my “senses” te gebruik,hulle meer en harder te druk, hulle hare te ruik, waarlik te sien en nie net te hoor nie, maar te luister. Dankie. Vir jou. Vir die keuses wat jy moes maak en dat jy reg gekies het. Jys een fenomenale vrou.

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    1. Dankie vir jou mooi woorde! Jy is self een wonderlike sterk vrou en mamma!

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